I’m a senior at Blair. That means I am currently battling the grueling process of applying for college. Today is October 6. In 11 days is the Early Action (EA) deadline for the University of North Carolina (UNC) Chapel Hill. In 27 more days it will be the majority EA deadline and the Early Decision 1 (ED1) deadline. And then, on December 14, my second-to-last semester at Blair will come to a close. The day after that, I will open my decision letter from my ED school, probably finding a deferral.
I’m so terrified of my fate, that I will open rejection letter after rejection letter only to find a waitlist, and being conscious of Murphy’s Law, I become even more terrified that my manifestation will become real. Every night, when I have time and I sit alone with my thoughts, I start pondering which school will actually accept me.
Why would a school accept me anyway? I’m just your average Asian with a good GPA. That’s all there is to me really. So I keep overthinking and overthinking and being terrified of Murphy’s Law. It’s such a dumb law but it just feels so real.
After weeks of such insecurity, I texted a friend my problems when we were catching up. She told me that I worked really hard, and that I should have more faith in myself. All your generic compliments. But it was the first time I really believed those words said to me, and a small part of me felt relieved. The friend is at Stanford right now; in my mind, she never had anything to worry about. But her words still reassured me.
I think that it is at this time that it’s more important than ever to believe in yourself. I hate clichés, this being one of them. But this time, it’s actually true. It’s the easiest thing to drown in self-doubt, but the hardest to pull yourself out. I think we all need to text a friend, or stop for a moment in the day, perhaps during our overthinking, and think about what makes us stand out. Our humor, our personality, or even just the way you fold socks, ridiculous as that sounds. Individuality is more important than ever (as I’ve also been learning in my African American Literature class), and we all just need to realize it.
