Hand Foot Mouth Disease a.k.a. Coxsackie Virus has been ravaging our campus for the past week. Hide your water bottle and close your air vents because it can pass through water and air. The epidemic started with sophomore boys and has been steadily spreading through campus.
I had a cough and freaked out for a minute before immediately heading to the Health Center. It turned out I had allergies, but I thought that the old Coxsackie had finally caught up with me. In all seriousness, if you have massive blisters on your hands, feet, or, even better, your mouth, head on over to the Health Center and get ready to hunker down.
I was able to sit down with patient zero of the virus and ask several questions. They couldn’t answer because their throat had swollen up, but their wild gesticulations said something to the effect of, “Coxsackie got me.”
This got me thinking. Just what, or who, is Coxsackie? An ancient curse? A monster living under the beds of naughty children?
I decided to investigate. I spent my Sunday afternoon outside of West Hall, the location rumored to be where Coxsackie first struck. However, I saw no sign of anything unusual. And yet my question still lingered, “How could something pass through both water and air?” Then it hit me. Coxsackie was a ghost.
Now, I had no clue how to catch a ghost; but I knew someone who did. I called on current faculty member, and former ghost hunter, Mr. Evans to assist in the investigation. We began our stake out and stayed throughout the night to intercept and take down the ghost. There was nothing of importance until the clock struck 11:11. It was at that point that we first saw a faint mist. We soon discovered that the mist was from a late night shower.
Resuming our stake out we waited silently outside of West. I realized that I was in danger of blemishing my record by being out of my dorm but wanted to catch Coxsackie above else. And then it happened. I felt my throat begin to be choked… but from the inside! In horror, I soon realized that it must be the spirit. Coxsackie! Luckily Mr. Evans had a bottle of sanitizer in hand and the spirit exited my body before it consumed me.
Coxsackie got away and still haunts this campus as I write this. The shade lingers and though I struck a heavy blow, it is out for vengeance. So beware the dreaded Coxsackie.
(Copyright 2018 Ryan Green)