Pass The Salad, Please

 

If you’ve tired of reading the news, surfing Facebook, feeling jealous about someone else’s Instagram post, or doing anything else equally useless, and you still don’t want to go and do something productive with your life, I have just the thing for you: read reviews for iceberg lettuce on Walmart.com.

It’s quite exciting really. I didn’t know you could review vegetables. I guess it’s true what they say about learning something new every day. Here are a few:

“This head of lettuce had brown, rotting leaves throughout the head, not just on the outside, but in multiple layers inside.” (One Star; WallyWorldBuyer2001)

Really? This specific head of lettuce? If you say so…

“Makes good sandwiches or salads.” (Five Stars; Billy)

Oh, that’s what lettuce is for? Thanks, Billy!

“I have not had fresh produce from a Walmart ever. I generally only buy my produce from there when I’m in a hurry. The last head of lettuce I had was wilted within a couple of days and I threw half of it out. We’ll see how long this head lasts.” (Two Stars; AnLGma)

I have a solution, AnLGma, if that is your real name: stop buying lettuce from Walmart.

“Lettuce was fresh and crisp. Head was firm and picked well.” (Five Stars; MerW)

Yup, I always appreciate well-picked lettuce.

“This head of lettuce was the best ever. It was so fresh and crisp that I enjoyed every leaf. This was the best head of lettuce I have ever got!!!” (Five Stars; 2MAS)

You should share next time. Don’t hog all the leaves.

If you get bored with lettuce, may I suggest reading about potatoes? “Our family loves potatoes,” says one reviewer. Another notes that “I can use potatoes to make just about anything.”

On the other hand, maybe doing that Buzzfeed quiz would be more worthwhile. Either way, find something better to do than reading reviews of produce on Walmart.com.

Tys Sweeney

Founder & Editor-in-Chief Emeritus

Tys Sweeney '17 founded the Blair Oracle in April 2015. He wrote news, fiction, poetry, and announcements for the publication until he graduated in 2017. He served as Editor-in-Chief until 2016 and was succeeded by Seth Kim.