How to Get a Date

Aight guys, listen up: Mid-Winter Semi-Formal is coming. For some of the male population that means you will probably end up going alone and sulking in the corner. Luckily for you, today, we will be taking a page out of my book and I will share my foolproof plan that, if executed properly, will get you asked to the dance.

Step 1: Find someone that you want to ask you to the dance, preferably someone that you know who does not have a significant other. This is not necessary and both issues can be worked around.

Step 2: Once you have picked a potential date, begin making casual conversation with them. When given the opportunity, very subtly, throw in a vague, embellished detail about your life to impress them. Example:

Potential Date: “What block is it?”

You: “I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle after my parents went missing. After being bitten by a radioactive spider I was given superpowers and became a vigilante and vowed to honor my Uncle Ben’s memory after he passed away.”

Step 3: Very, very gradually begin dropping hints that you don’t have a date yet, while slipping in a sad alternative to going without a date. Example:

Potential Date: “What time does activities block en–”

You: “No one has asked me yet so I was gonna head down to the elementary school with branj@blair.edu”

Step 4: If all else fails or your target already has a date, pretend like you have something better to do. Example:

Potential Date: “I’m sorry who are you?”

You: “You know, I actually don’t think I was going to be able to go anyway. I’m pretty sure that night I’m supposed to be at the orphanage teaching the blind to read.”

Disclaimer: results may vary. Godspeed.

(Copyright 2018 Matt Dev)

 

Matt Dev

Matt is a sophomore and a staff writer for The Oracle.