Dev’s Declassified School Survival Guide: Surviving Formal

Formal Dinner is a time-honored tradition adored by the faculty and the students alike. Dressing up in your cheapest blazer and clip-on tie or your finest leggings, Formal Dinner is a major pillar of the Blair community. We all gather in the same place to remind ourselves how much we all actually hate coming together as a community. We are all united by this feeling (except for those who are over the age of 40 and Italian). So, if you are one of the 547 people on this campus who are bored at formal, here are some tips to help you get through it.

1) Don’t check the time.

Time passes slower during Formal Dinner and the more you check to see how long you have left, the slower time passes. While watching the seconds tick off the clock might seem like an infinitely better way to spend your Tuesday and Thursday nights, it will all be over faster if you just don’t check. Trust me.

2) Don’t talk to anyone.

Some of you are under the impression that Formal needs to be livened up with some conversation. No. Don’t do that, it’s like trying to liven up a funeral: people just wanna sit in silence and mourn.

3) Be ready to leave at all times.

Once you hear the bell ding and the sweet angelic voice of Mr. Pagotto announcing the Skeptics speaker, it means you have almost finished serving out your punishment. So sit on the edge of your seat and be ready to force your way through the mass of students who are hurrying to get back to their rooms to sit in solitude.

Those are all the tips that I have for you. That’s it.

(Copyright 2019 Matthew Dev)

Matt Dev

Matt Dev is a senior and an editor for the Oracle.