So I was sitting in the Can skipping class, and as I watched people walking in I noticed that most people at this school do not know how to dress properly. As a fashion expert, I felt personally offended, so I thought I’d share some tips as a public service.
So first off, I noticed a lot of guys wearing nice collared shirts. Wrong. Don’t do that. It’s not cool unless it looks like you stole it from the Goodwill rejects pile. Take me for example, some of you may have noticed that I tend to rock “the homeless man of Calcutta” vibe. This is because most of the apparel that I don has literally been taken from– you guessed it– the Goodwill rejects pile. The savings are immeasurable; I recommend that you pursue a similar course of action.
Second thing I observed is that many of you are far too concerned with adhering to the dress code. You seem to be under the impression that it actually matters, which is just factually inaccurate. The dress code is a social construct, and, if everyone broke dress code, Pagotto can’t dress code everyone. There are more of us than there are of him. For all the natural born snitches out there who are too afraid to break the rules, the donation bins around town have a great selection of knit sweaters. I know, because I always leave them behind.
Let’s talk about hairstyles for a quick sec. So I assume most of you style your hair daily, a common, critical mistake. My hairstyle is consistent with the “just rolled out of bed” look, because I literally just rolled out of bed. Consider taking this approach yourself because it not only saves time, but it also matches the rest of your outfit.
Most of you go to an actual barbershop to get your hair cut by a trained professional. While this doesn’t seem like a bad thing, you should be supporting the Blair community instead. The cost of the letting the senior boys in Freeman cut your hair is half of a sandwich and you letting them pick the style. Making that choice supports a struggling local business (the senior boys in Freeman), which is a very important thing to do in this economic climate. Allow me to remind you that small businesses are the backbone of the American economy. It is also cost-efficient.
The next time you are re-evaluating your look, keep these simple guidelines in mind. Now I’m not saying that this is the only way to dress if you wanna look good, but unless you have no taste and want everyone to know it, this is the only way to go. Just listen to me, I’m the expert here.
(Copyright 2018 Matthew Dev)