Corruption at Blair?

FEBRUARY 25 – We all saw Mr. Bacon, the beloved former Dean of Academics, this Monday at school meeting. It was good to see a figure who was so relevant to the community visit us, and I saw him exchange many hugs with students, faculty, and administration alike. Alas, he is not with Blair anymore, as he is enjoying his retirement. We now have a new Dean of Academics: Mr. Molteni. Molteni has done a great job this year, and we can all see he is perfect for the job: he takes the utmost pride in his job and carries out his tasks with an unparalleled respect for our school and its principles. Or does he? It is Mr. Molteni’s job to arrange formal dinner seating assignments as well as school meeting seating assignments. Everyone knows where their seat is for school meeting and chapel, and most of the school meets three times a week to sit in their own specific spot.

school meeting
School Meeting

But why do we have to sit in a predetermined seat, and why is the administration so keen on keeping us in those seats? Mr. Mazza sends out emails periodically throughout the year, ensuring that students know they will be marked absent if they do not sit in their specific chairs. Why is this? Why is the administration so motivated to control our student body with such a seemingly insignificant, but nonetheless oppressive, ruling? To Ben Czaja ‘17 the answer is clear:

“It’s collusion! Mr. Molteni and the administration are subjectively trying to alter our behavior by controlling where we sit. I’m also positive the administration is corrupted. Take Jack Mooney for example, he is good friends with Mr. Mazza… Is it a coincidence he gets to sit next to his best friend Stephen Marcus during chapels? I think not.”

Ben may have a point: is it not strange how Stephanie Gibson gets to sit next to her twin brother, Kyle Gibson, at every school meeting? Something strange is indeed going on here, and I believe what Ben has described is just the tip of the iceberg.

We already know of the unfair rulings regarding seating when applied to seniors. The entire senior class is allowed to sit up front, right next to the stage. Seniors are also allowed to leave school meeting before any other class can even get out of their seats, being dismissed with the common phrase: “Seniors First!” Is the Senior Class Council colluding with the administration, secretly lobbying for special privileges behind the rest of the school’s back? There are a lot of questions yet to be answered here, and I won’t stop until they are answered. Let’s put a stop to corruption in our school’s government before it is too late!

This is Jack Saxton, undercover reporter, signing out.

(Copyright 2016 Jack Saxton)

Jack Saxton

Jack Saxton '17 is the Oracle's Chief Satirist and editor of the Satire Section. Jack also contributes articles pertaining to current events at Blair.